*lindsey {a former mississippian makes a home in new york}

::if this is thursday::

 

if this is thursday, re-check library books, finish start cleaning the house, change the litterbox, figure out what i'm wearing to see sam's plays this weekend (remember to pack a book and the camera and pay bills before we leave).  if this is thursday, mark is in massachusetts interviewing for a job.  have i mentioned unemployment SUCKS. 

if this is thursday, burn notice is on tonight, new netflix movies should arrive tomorrow, and i haven't taken my shower yet.  if this is thursday, i am reluctantly giving in to living in alfred, new york.  allowing myself the possibility that we aren't going anywhere.  i guess i should finish unpacking the rest of the boxes (from 2 years ago).  lately i've been hearing things.  seeing things that aren't really there.  stress.  unhealthy obsessions.  insomnia.  if this is thursday, our mad old neighbor lady will be pounding on her window at the cats.  however, she's never anywhere in sight.  if this is thursday, i am inside (i find myself reluctant to do anything that involves leaving the house and spending money), reading my book (the monsters of templeton), blogs, twitter (sensory overload), wondering when the two journalists imprisoned in north korea will be released.  if this is thursday, the laundry is done, the grass freshly mowed, tomato soup with cilantro and cottage cheese for lunch, trying to find grace in small things.  if this is thursday, the sun is flirting with me beckoning me outside, i need to schedule a dentist appointment but we no longer have any insurance.  if this is thursday, some of the mail sits unopened and unread, the dog needs walking, we have another water leak in the village, students are on campus enjoying theatre camp and creative writing, i am craving figs.  if this is thursday, i am wanting to start collecting discarded grocery store lists/receipts. 

what does your thursday look like?

::white, blue, red::

  

 

 

 

NO rain.  blue skies.  drinks, chicken wings, fries with sauce, movie, butterfingers, magical fireworks, beautiful breeze.  PERFECT independence day.

hope you had a happy 4th of july!

::the foghorn::

 

she didn't mind lying awake in the dark; she could think.  how thankful she was to be tall enough to carry off the new fashion in sleeves!  charm?  how much more charm counted than mere beauty, and she herself had it 'full measure and running over.  how strange that she of all girls should have fallen in love with a married man.  fog on the bay.  since childhood she had loved to hear that long-drawn-out, almost-human moan of the foghorn as she lay warm and sheltered in bed.  IT was on a night of fog they had spoken for the first time, although they had nodded.

i was 17 when i first performed gertrude atherton's short story to win a drama scholarship to eastern new mexico university (in the thriving metropolis of portales, new mexico).  i can't believe i still remember all the words.  i should have gone on to major in theatre, but i played it safe and chose education instead.  i never graduated.  these days i'm tired of playing it safe.  i want to believe forgotten wishes come true, past mistakes don't count.  that you CAN color outside the lines, step outside the box.  and change.  and go beyond what's familiar and comfortable.  and become something else even as you begin to approach 50.  i want something i've accomplished.  something no one can ever take away. 

"i just want a huge vat of coffee and my best friend to make me laugh and then i will go home and take a hot bath and finish my story." ~ lauren groff

::halcyon days::

 

"gorgeous, vapory, silent hues cover the evening sky." ~ walt whitman

revelling in nonsense today.  our favorite ice cream place has been closed since last september and was supposed to have re-opened yesterday.  the universe is cruel like that. 

::little bursts of happiness::

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ velvet elvis (one of our kitties)

reading, playing, shopping, watching it rain, baking, stopping, eating, looking for inspiration, watching it rain, dreaming, wishing, envying those that are going on summer vacation, watching and waiting for the sun.  ANYTHING to get out of working on the house!

::edge of memory::

 

never in a million years did i expect that when i dropped my daughter off for her first "official" job as a grown-up (designing costumes for a summer theatre camp) that it would open the floodgates for me!  the year...1976.  my first "real" job that didn't include babysitting!  working at riley's family owned dude ranch in meredith, colorado.  i remember i had to take the bus - by myself all the way from albuquerque, new mexico to colorado.  the ride felt endless.  for three months, i was maid, kitchen help, gopher.  but the ranch was in the mountains, 12 miles from aspen, and far, far, far  away from my parents!  however, i got so homesick that i remember calling them one night sobbing, begging, pleading with them to come get me and let me come home.  i was met with a resounding NO.  i grew up that summer.  i hated my roommate.  her name was dawn.  but i loved the horseback riding, bonfires, and rock climbing.  kisses on the bridge under full moons; talks till wee hours of the morning with an "older" man were bonuses.  i always wonder what became of him.  seeing robert redford with his two kids in aspen for the very first time and making a total fool of myself - hiding behind postcard racks...stalking him.  never brave enough to even ask for his autograph.  to this day, i just remember how HOT he was.  and still is.  i have already received the most hilarious email from my daughter documenting her roommate drama (she inherits that from me), but she's happy, excited, scared...all the things i was way back when.  i wouldn't change a thing!!  and NO she can't come home!

::all my pretty ones::

 

i am:   braver at night; listening to aida; wanting to start a collection of sea glass from the beach; wishing we had a ping pong table; fresh picked wildflowers from the garden with the most intoxicating smell; reading the poetry of anne sexton (ignoring all the angst) and telling the stars my questions; reveling in my daughter's hilarious email (she needs to be writing this blog) and SO excited her first two shows are "into the woods" and "west side story."  she is in sondheim heaven.

 

*happy weekend wishes!

::the other side of anything::

"i’ve stayed in the front yard all my life.  i want a peek at the back. where it’s rough and untended and hungry weed grows.  a girl gets sick of a rose." ~ gwendolyn brooks

that's where you'll find me - in the back where my june is:  movies (up, star trek, terminator salvation, the hangover) and buttered popcorn, homemade rootbeer floats, late night walks, red wine, a messy house, reading, creating a wish board (am tired of the universe flipping me off), manicures and pedicures, lady gaga songs stuck in my head, summer tv (weeds, nurse jackie, true blood, burn notice, the closer), trying out new magazines (uppercase), attempting to say YES more often! 

what does your june look like?

::grace in small things::

1. my daughter recovered ALL my itunes.  this, after the computer crashed and the paid repairman could not.  she is every shade of AWESOME!
2. being able to walk to our favorite restaurant(s).  

3. the amazing vulnerable gentle powerful poetic voice of my friend sam!

4.  wasabi and soy sauce almonds.

5. anything nivea:  lotion.  deodorant.  the smell is to die for.

6. going to see pixar's new 3-d adventure tomorrow.  who doesn't love helium-filled balloons?                                            

::turquoise clouds::

  

• am into retro/vintage clothing.
• loving the many shades of turquoise - lily pond green, josie, alluring.
• inhaling my dunkin donuts coffee - wishing i had ordered a donut with sprinkles.
• the house looks like a dust bomb went off!
• murphy's law - running into literally everyone you know when you are not looking your best.
• feeling invisible with mark's side of the family.
• trying to decide on a funky new shower curtain and rug for the half-renovated bathroom.
• am beginning to think said bathroom will never get finished!
• looked my name up on urban dictionary.  omg!
• experimenting with new fonts...
• craving fried bologna sandwiches!
• discovering the poetry of camille guthrie:

a forehead like a window display - temples like singing crickets - cheeks like party invitations

a tongue like watercolors

a mouth like a silk lampshade

a face like a moving picture

a head like a jar of pennies

if he wonders, it’s of his own reflection

if he’s jealous, it’s of birthday parties

if he lies, it’s about mathematical errors

if he spends money, it’s on magic lanterns

if he goes to the movies, it’s "vertigo "

if he listens to music, it’s the sound of running water 

what does your sunday look like?